Body Confidence. Plus sized and perfect!

Hello everyone :)!

Lately I’ve seen more and more young girls (and some boys) posting on social media about problems with their bodies, mostly regarding their weight and it really saddens me to think that so many young people are suffering with body confidence issues. I’ve come across more and more posts about having a “thigh gap” and at first I had no idea what that meant, but after some searching I came to realise exactly what it meant and it really did shock me. I can’t believe that young girls are willing to starve their selves in a bid to achieve a gap in their thighs when they put their legs together. Sometimes our bodies are not built that way, and whilst trying to achieve it, you can really harm yourself.
I understand issues with body confidence, I have first hand experience. All through growing up I have been a bigger girl, and in highschool I wished and wished that I could be one of the skinny, tall girls. For some reason I was under the impression that being thin would give me instant popularity, friends and the perfect life. But the truth is far from that. If you think you need to be thin to have lots of friends, then you don’t want to be friends with them people in the first place. If they don’t like you for you, they’re definitely not worth your time.
It may seem hard when you’re still a young teenager, you want to look like the girls in the magazines. The truth is that the girls in the magazines are not real at all, it’s all fake. They have wobbly bits, cellulite, spots etc, just like you do. They’ve been touched up on a computer, to create the ideal female. I can guarantee you 100% that in real life, them girls are just ordinary people like you and I.
I guess where I’m going with this is that it’s okay to be different, you can still look and feel fabulous. It took me a long while to realise this, but I actually like how I look. I’m plus sized and proud! Don’t hate the things that are different about your body, rock them! It’s what makes you, you! You’re all beautiful, inside and out. Do not let anybody tell you any different. You’re perfect!

Bye for now lovelies xx

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My thought process whilst I’m at the gym.

I’ve been attending the gym for a whole month now, so I’m practically a regular, right? I noticed that my brain is in overdrive whilst I’m there, I’m not sure if it’s due to my anxiety because I’m surrounded by people, or do other people think like this too? So I decided to share with you, my ‘gym thought process’. I’m not insane, I promise!

Okay so I’m here again, I’ll be fit in no time! I’ve been here a month, I’ve practically made a lifetime commitment. Well in we go. Wow it’s quite full today, am I sure I want to do this? Just walk for god sake! Oh no, is the guy on the front desk staring at me? I bet hes wondering what the hell I’m doing here. Well it’s a gym so I guess he does know why I’m here.
Okay, what should I go on first? I should probably stretch. Why does the room for stretching have other people in it?! You know what? I don’t think you need to stretch for the treadmill do you? Nah, I’ll be fine. Which treadmill should I pick? One facing the wall so nobody can see my face? Perfect!
Why is everyone else in very attractive gym wear? Did I not get the memo to dress up?! Wow I bet I look like a right idiot. Okay just get on the treadmill, that will be a start?
So, I’m on the treadmill! This workout thing doesn’t seem too hard! Start! Woo now we’re off, 1.5mph, yes that seems reasonable. Just remember to keep your feet moving and all will be fine, dont stop, you don’t want to fly off the end! Oh god, what if my legs seize up and I do fly off of the end?! How embarrassing would that be? I’d never be able to return again! Oh wow the guy next to me is going fast, maybe I should up my speed. 4mph, this doesn’t seem too bad, a nice brisk walk, feels quite good actually. Yes thats it, keep your feet moving! I’m quite good at this fitness lark! 6mph, a nice leisurely jog, well this is going well! Wow, actually this is a bit fast!
Ohgod, I’m out of breath. No don’t slow down, everyone will see how slow you’re going! Just breathe slowly. The heartrate monitor is going up! Am I having a heart attack?! Oh god, I’m dying, right here in the gym. Water, I need water. Ok I feel a bit better now, pushed through the burn, thats what they say isn’t it? I wonder how long I’ve been on here, must have been atleast half an hour, I’m doing pretty well! 16 minutes?! Only 16 minutes?! Are you joking! Maybe the timer on it is broken? Yes that’s probably it! Keep going, another 16 minutes and it will be all over. Ouch I think I’ve torn a muscle, help me! Maybe I should slow down. Ok, 3.5mph, this should be good. How is everyone else going so fast?! I can barely manage my brisk walk. Maybe jogging isn’t my thing.. I can’t feel my legs. Oh god, stop stop stop STOP. 5 minute cool down?! What is this evil? I want to stop!
Oh good, it’s stopped. I’m glad that’s over!

I’ll try the bikes, I think I would enjoy sitting down! On the bike I get, oh this is a bit high. How do I adjust the seat?! Ouch!! Everyone is looking at me wondering why I’m not adjusting it! I don’t want to ask, I’ll look weird! Oh no, I’m panicking! Oh wait, what does this yellow lever do? Yup, seat adjusted, panic over! Pedal pedal pedal, this is nice! Maybe I should get some cycling shorts, I seem quite good at this! Let’s add some resistance. Why aren’t the wheels turning?! Okay, maybe no resistance for now. Well everyone has to start somewhere! I know, I’ll put some music on whilst I cycle, pass the time, I bet I could last atleast 10 songs, this seems easy! How is that guy moving his legs so fast?! He looks like he’s going to spin right off the bike! Ohgod, I hope he doesn’t land on me!

Right, I’m dying, my legs are on fire. How many songs has it been? 2?!? Oh well, like I said, everyone has to start somewhere! I’ll try more tomorrow.

Well that was a good workout! Oh look, the scales! Should I weigh myself? I bet ive lost atleast 5lbs after that! Oh no, people will probably stare at me, nobody uses the scales at the gym! Don’t you know anything!

I joined a gym! Madness.

Hello lovelies!

I haven’t been on here for a while as I have been pretty busy! But yes, I am back! We finally moved house, woo! For all of you that didn’t know, we previously lived in a tiny one bedroom flat that you couldn’t swing a cat in!(Where did this saying come from?! Do people randomly swing cats around to judge the amount of space? Weird.) But anyway, we now live in a lovely two bedroom house, yay. So as you can imagine, I have been busy decorating away and browsing pinterest like a mad woman for ‘inspiration’. Admittedly, it didn’t really turn out like anything off of pinterest but still, I am pleased at my efforts! I shall add some pictures of my skills, wooo exciting!

Also, I have joined the gym! Yes, maddness, I know! I was persuaded to go and try it out by a friend and before I knew it I had signed up for a membership. I’m not brave enough to go on my own, for fear of having a panic attack, then a heart attack and dying right there on the treadmill, that would be a great first impression wouldn’t it? But still, I have been tagging along with my friend 3 days a week and sweating my butt off and I sort of like it. I feel very self conscious being there though, everyone there seems to be very fit and toned, sprinting for an hour on the treadmill and then there’s me, not exactly the smallest of creatures, huffing and puffing my way through my 30 minute ‘brisk walk’. God help me. In another moment of sheer madness I signed myself up for a spin class. Yes, spin class. Why do I do these things? Im utterly terrified, I can barely walk for an hour, let alone extreme cycle. I shall report how it goes! You never know, I might come back a size 4 I’ve spun so fast, ha.

See you soon,

A xx

P.s I’ve added some house pictures to my instagram (alyinwonderlandx) as I cannot upoad them into this post yet! Im uploading from my galaxy tab and it has decided to play up, nice and conviniently!

Rainbow loom has taken over my life!

So, if you haven’t heard about the recent Rainbow Loom craze, where have you been hiding?!

Yes I, at the age of 20, have been addicted to a toy for 8 year olds, for the past 2 weeks. If you aren’t lucky enough to know what the Rainbow Loom is, I will enlighten you, it is a plastic loom with 3 rows of pegs, 15 pegs on each row. You then wind elastic bands onto the pegs, and then loop them together with a plastic hook to create some form of pattern, it’s all very exciting.

I’ve created various goodies with this fabulous object, bracelets, animals, even a phone case. Heck, I could create an elastic band world! After hours of serious looping and hooking, there’s the intense moment of peeling your creation off of the loom, and once you see the finished project for the first time, the world suddenly makes sense. I’ve now been finding these little elastic bands of joy, scattered in every corner of my house. It’s safe to say, the Rainbow Loom has taken over.

I think I may actually be addicted, do you think there’s a therapy available for this? Possibly rehab?

Maybe I need a life?

Thankyou for humouring me,

A x

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Back again

Well, I’m back. I haven’t written in here in a while, and considering this is supposed to be a sort of diary, I’ve not done very well!

I’ve been continuing with CBT every week, and it’s going ‘well’, just well. Sometimes I feel like it’s really not making much of a difference,  I’ve done CBT that many times, I know what the therapist is going to say next. I know what the right thing to do would be, it’s actually doing it that is the problem. I know that I need to go out more and I need to speak to people, the fact that I can’t do it is the problem that I’m having. Maybe after more sessions I will feel different about this, I guess I’ll find out! 

Health anxiety is still playing a massive part in my life, every little symptom I discover bothers me, but I’ve found myself thinking about it a lot less, which I’m very pleased about. 

Yup, this post is incredibly boring haha! I just thought I’d leave a little update 🙂 

 

 

I googled!

Well, I’m not proud of it but… I googled! After 4 weeks of not looking up my symptoms, I had a pain in my chest tonight and I decided to look it up on the internet. Almost instantly I had self-diagnosed a heart attack or maybe a blood clot in my heart. Infact, the amount of medical information I absorb off the internet, I may aswell become a doctor, I have a feeling I wouldn’t be a very reassuring one though. Maybe that won’t be my career of choice! What is it about search engines that make them bring up the worst possible scenario? I could enter the symptoms of a slight cold and come away 100% sure I had pneumonia, it’s all very convincing! WebMD is the absolute worst, there’s no chance you’re coming out alive after entering symptoms on that website.

 

Non-suprisingly my chest pain has now worn off, it still hurts when I stretch but I can just about talk myself into believing that it could be a muscle pain, not a life threatening condition. Damn you anxiety for making me insane!

 

Slightly better news – It’s my 20th birthday tomorrow! I’m quite sad to be leaving my teenage years, I officially have to grow up and be an adult! Maybe I could move to never never land and live with Peter Pan? I could take the place of tinkerbell, though I never did look good in a tutu. Though in all seriousness,  I’d love to make this the beginning of a new chapter for me!

 

Goals for my 20’s

 

– Get better. (Byebye anxiety)

 

– Get a job (and keep it)

 

– Move house (and decorate it how I would like it!)

 

– Get married (a bit further into my 20s)

 

– Have kids! (Yes I would willingly do that!)

 

– Start enjoying life!

 

I hope to take you guys along with me whilst I complete my goals! Have you got any goals for the next 10 years of your life?

 

Speak to you soon,

 

A xx

 

 

Paper heart wreath D.I.Y!

Recently I’ve been into crafts/D.I.Ys and I’ve found that doing them has kept me relaxed and calm. I’ve just finished this ‘Paper heart wreath decoration and it was super easy to do and it looks really cute so I decided to share it with you guys!

Step one – Choose some different paper with patterns that you like, I just used some wallpaper samples that I picked up from my local decoarting shop.

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Step two – Cut your paper into strips! I did mine about 11 inches long and 2 inches wide. The amount of strips you cut depends on how big you would like your wreath to be. I did 10 but I only used 8 as I only wanted a small wreath.

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Step three – Fold your strip in half.

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Step four – Bend in the top 2 pieces to create a heart shape and glue it into place

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Step 5 – Repeat this with each of your strips untill they are all glued into a heart shape. Leave them to dry for around 5 minutes.

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Step six – When all your heart shapes are stuck into place and have dried, glue them together on the top corners of the hearts.

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Step seven – Repeat step six untill all of your hearts are stuck together forming a circle shape.

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Step eight – Tie some yarn to the top of your wreath, looping it through two of the hearts so it hangs evenly. Hang it on your wall, and you’re finished!

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let me know how it turns out if you try this! I think it looks very shabby chic and you could create some amazing patterns using different papers!

 

A xx

Anxious Alys potential driving dangers!

Last week I mentioned my upcoming driving lessons, I’ve been so nervous about it so I’ve decided to construct a list of the potential dangers my brain has conjured up! 

Some of these may be extremely far fetched, I am aware but heyho, my anxiety isn’t! 

1) What if I get my foot caught getting in and smash my face on the steering wheel?

2) What if the seatbelt malfunctions and I strangle myself?

3) What if my foot gets stuck on the accelerator?

4) What if I confuse the break with the accelerator?

5) What if the car lock jams and I get trapped in the car?

6) What if I’m expected to drive for miles on my first lesson?

7) What if I’m asked questions that I can’t answer? What will I say? Will I look stupid?

8) What if its a complete and utter disaster?

9) What if I can’t even start the car?

10) What if I get so anxious that I spontaneously combust? 

 

What if, what if, what if? I think most anxiety is fueled by the ‘what ifs?’ The answer you need to give yourself to the ‘what ifs’ is ‘so what?’, deep down you know that it will never happen but still, your brain takes over and it’s very hard to stop it. Will I spontaneously combust? I doubt it. Is this even possible? So why on earth am I thinking it?! Once the anxiety kicks in, rationalisation goes out of the window.

After a week of worrying I have come to the conclusion that I am an idiot, to put it bluntly. It is highly unlikely that any of these situations will happen, so I have spent my week worrying about absolutely nothing. 

Next time you ask yourself ‘what if?’ answer yourself with ‘so what?’ and move on. 

 

Therapy and various other things!

Hey guys! 

So I’ve finally started my CBT therapy (for the millionth time, lets pray it works this time!) and to be honest, it wasn’t that bad! No end of the world, nothing disastrous happened, so I’d say that’s a good result. The therapist seems a little crazy but I guess that means we will get along swimmingly. We went through all my worries and fears ect (and she didn’t run away in shock of the crazy lady sitting in front of her) and then we talked about what I’d like to ‘get out’ of the sessions. I basically told her that I’d like to stop worrying, seeing as though that’s what I’m there for, right? if we could achieve that, I’d be veryy pleased. So I’ll be attending the sessions every week for 17 weeks, and then I’ll see where I’m upto then. Hopefully in a better place. Are any of you guys doing therapy at the moment? If so, how’s it going?

So for these past 2 weeks I have been worrying constantly, about crap basically (as usual) The thing that gets me is, I know what I’m worrying about is ridiculous, but I can’t stop my brain from doing it, I don’t need people telling me I’m being ridiculous, I already know! I’m also sick of people telling me to ‘just stop worrying’ If only it was that simple! Anywayy.. I’m still alive and rambling so obviously the mutant organ disease I was worrying about has gone 😉 

 

In other news, I’m starting driving lessons! God help me and other road users. Obviously there’s a whole new set of worries that comes with this, but I’ll save that for next time (you lucky people!) 

Speak soon and remember to always laugh, it makes life easier!

Aly xx

Health anxiety and looking up symptoms

We’ve all done it! You’re sat at home watching the TV and you suddenly feel a slight pain somewhere, so out comes google! One quick search and 10 minutes later, you’ve self diagnosed wild monkey disease and could also possibly be already dead. Then the panic sets in.

The thing with google is that 99% of the time, it brings up the worst possible scenario and then you convince yourself you have it. Your one symptom you were originally looking up has suddenly turned into a list of 10 symptoms that you didn’t have, but come to to think of it, you did once have that pain in your elbow that it mentions, you remember feeling it 3 weeks last Thursday.

This is when you need to rationalise. The pain in your head? It’s probably not a brain tumour, could it be just a headache? Annoying and sometimes painful, but not life threatening.

Don’t do it, just don’t do it. Step away from the internet, save youself the worry. If it gets worse, make a doctors appointment, but whatever you do, don’t google.

 

Maybe I should take my own advice, still working on that one!

 

Speak to you soon

 

(If I recover from my wild monkey disease ;))

 

 

A xx